Will you blow on my dice?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
