True but thats because hes a fetus.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
barbara walters just said penis...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
