What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
