Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize