So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Houston, we have a blender
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
