I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
