Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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