i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
