OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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