Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
