Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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