He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
