Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
