Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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