3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
