I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize