Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
