i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize