At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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