I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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