Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
