She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
