K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
