writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
