Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
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