just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
As shirtless as possible
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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