I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
