Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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