spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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