3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
