Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
