I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
