My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize