yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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