who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
