does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
