Your mouth is God's brothel.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The feeling are messing with the penis
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
