oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
