my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
