SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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