What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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