Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
