i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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