i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize