and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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