Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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