You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
