dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
