Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
