His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
