the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
