omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
