I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
