fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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