I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
