make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize