Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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