Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
