my vag is so smooth its legendary
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
