when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize