look no pants
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
operation have a gay friend backfired
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
