i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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