Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
