what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
