Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
