I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
