Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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